Do You Collapse for Love?

Do you ever find yourself becoming sad, angry, or unhappy because one of your loved ones is sad, angry, or unhappy? You might do this out of sympathy—merging with their emotions—or out of resistance—going against their emotions. But either way, you may be collapsing your own energy field because you are tied to the energy field of another.

Yesterday morning I noticed myself doing this. My daughter woke up unhappy. She whined about getting dressed, she grumbled and complained about breakfast. Finally she burst into tears about losing something and blaming me for it I first got angry then felt sad about the level of drama within moments of waking up and getting ready for a summer camp she adores. I was tired and felt stretched to my limit supporting her waves of emotions. (Sometimes I’m really good at this, but early in the AM my capacity is lower.) I sat at the table, head bent, and I cried. I said out loud to anyone who would listen: “I don’t know if I can do this, all my plans and projects, and be a mom and take care of this family. I don’t know if I have the capacity for it. I feel beyond what I can do.” Do you ever feel this way?

Then within me a voice said: “Yes, I can do. I have the capacity. I don’t need to merge with her emotions. She’s unhappy, I’m just tired. Just go to yoga class, change your energy, and everything will feel better.” And I did. And last night I facilitated an amazing Clarity Breathwork circle and felt terrific, totally in the vortex, as Abraham would say.

The tricky part is that in our intimacy we also merge. We want the connection so much, and most of us were taught that love means merging. But it’s actually in our empathetic autonomy—our ability to perceive another’s emotions without taking them on—that true intimacy comes.

My husband said our daughter’s energy was great that afternoon. Even though I didn’t see her, I know that the internal shift in me of no longer merging with her energy, support her to come back into her center. And now we both feel better. So much better than collapsing for love.