In preparing my new class, “Opening Your Channel,” again I remind myself of what I need to hear. The first premise, the foundation, of all spiritual practice, and all joyous living, is self-care and self-love. This practice is so basic, so fundamental, yet is typically neglected and perhaps not even valued. In working with clients, I often say that self-love is the final frontier.
I say it’s the final frontier because criticizing ourselves is the last place most of us hold out unconscious judgment–and interestingly we seem to think it’s justified. Do you find yourself saying things about yourself, even if just in your mind, that you would never say to someone else, and that you may not even let someone else say to you. But somehow that self talk slips under even your more evolved spiritual radar–well, I could be more focused, I could be smarter about things, I could be more reliable, whatever. Chances are you could be, so could we all. But is that really the point.
If you attract more of what you are vibrating, so sayeth the law of attraction, then focusing on what you could do better and what you’re not doing as well is just going to get more of the same. Doesn’t that just so go against what you were conditioned to believe? It does for me–I was raised to think I need to pay attention to my areas of weakness so I can improve them. Yet that can, and usually does, become a cover for self judgment, blame and criticism. Our conditioning to judge is intense, pervasive, deep, and continual. You are probably your own worst victim.
But oh god, self-love, isn’t that just selfish at least or even worse, narcissistic? I mean, “can’t I just be okay with myself?’, you ask. “I know people who think they are the greatest and I can’t stand them,” you say. “I don’t want to be like that.” Self love is not about ego-pride, though you were probably taught that it was. It’s about projecting outward an image of confidence or self-worth, which often is inauthentic anyway. It’s about reaching inward, self connecting, appreciating yourself as your most intimate relationship with the divine.
How would you treat yourself if you really got that you are an individual expression of the All That Is, a center of consciousness within the One Consciousness? And there’s the rub, isn’t it? If you are like the rest of us, you probably don’t realize your own divine nature. You may have the concept of this, but not really get it.
I’m still cultivating this one. Sometimes I feel it so strongly ~ this sense of vastness and connection, a sweetness in the flow of spiritual energy, a quality of BEING that is non-mental, non-physical, and yet also in the body. At others I am completely lost, swimming in a sea of confusion, doubt, and uncertainty. Fortunately these episodes do not last very long any more, and I have so much more support to meet them.
Last night, I had fallen into this sea. This time I knew I was there ~ it wasn’t “my reality,” it was just a quality of energy that was coming to the surface as I expanded myself. I knew that I was flushing up stagnant emotions and energy imprints as I opened to teach this course on channeling. I knew I was going to a new level, and this required me to be even clearer than ever before. Yet there I was, in a sea of confusion. I could feel the pull toward self judgment, self criticism. I watched the thoughts in my mind. I knew that my freedom lay in being able to watch and not identify with the thoughts, in moving the energy, not making it real. Then I lay down to breathe.
I’m a Clarity Breathwork practitioner and I use breath as a spiritual practice. It is extremely effective for moving energy and releasing emotions. (I don’t recommend you do this on your own until you are trained how to do it.) I breathed, and breathed, and felt the energy began to move. I also connected with my spirit guides, with whom I will be teaching the channeling course. They supported me so tenderly. They affirmed my commitment, persistence, perseverance, and creativity. They told me how much they are looking forward to creating the course together. They reassured me that I was moving energy that was coming to the surface so that I could be an even clearer channel. “Nothing is wrong,” they reassured me, “nothing is wrong.” They modeled for me how to love myself ~ they always love me unconditionally, always.
Afterward I felt very centered and relaxed. I slept well, with interesting dreams. This morning I turn to self-loving. After writing this I am going out for a long walk. I have new music on my ipod. I know I need more time outside and to move even more than I do (I already dance a lot). I asked myself, what does my spirit and my body want today? Yes ~ a long walk!! So off I go. I have a list of ways to practice self loving, and I am now reminded to choose a few things from it for myself each day.
How could you be self-loving today? Even just a few minutes just for you. Notice what comes up for you when you imagine doing this. Just notice the conditioning, if it’s there, and do it anyway. Love yourself anyway. Notice the freedom that comes from accepting and loving yourself Model how to love you, and the universe will reorganize everything around you to reflect it back. Have fun, and let me know how it goes!
photo credit: “Free” by alicepopkorn, www.creativecommons.com/license
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